Chinese English

A guy suspected that his wife was cheating on him, so he hired a Chinese detective…the cheapest one he could find. This is his report…
Most honorable sir!
You leave house.
I watch house. He come house. I watch.
He and she leave house. I follow.
He and she go hotel. I climb tree.
I look window.
He kiss she.
She kiss he.
He strip she.
She strip he.
He play with she.
She play with he.
I play with me.
I fall off tree.
I no see.
No fee,
Cheng Lee